Are you behind already?

(by Natalia Gabrea)

“Each day is a little life” - Schopenhauer

The magic dust of New Year excitement has settled. It now takes longer to see the sparkle in the midst of preparing lunches, attending meetings, and doing life every day. I recently caught myself evaluating how I’m doing by analyzing my output thus far, which inevitably led me to feeling like I’m not doing quite “enough”, and like I’m already falling “behind” (whatever that means). In one word, this feels: Yuck!

Depending on the study you read, it takes 21, 28, or 66 days to build a habit. This is why we have 21 days cleanses, 28 days diet plans, or three months to a 5K programs. Most of us put our best effort forward for those days, and then, admittedly fall off the band wagon again, and again, and again.

Here’s my interesting non-scientific observation both of myself and my students: it only takes one failure to take down our meticulously built tower of confidence, one mean glance to make our delicate self-esteem shatter into million pieces, one limited belief to make our teeter-totter balancing self-worth lean to the side of insignificance.

That’s just c r a z y!

Sure it can take one day to stop a healthy habit, to postpone our dreams, or to make ourselves and others miserable. But by that same token, it takes only one day to get back on the inspiration bus and on the unstoppable action route to dream-your-big-life land. Here’s a list of a few of my favorite things to do when I’m feeling that “not quite enough and totally behind” feeling:

1. Shrug and Flush

I’ve learned to say “oh well” even though I know my seeming indifference to the issue at hand would drive my mother mad (as it makes me too). As I tell the kids: you don’t stand there and look at your poop in the potty, do you? You flush it! Flush the mistakes, the mean words, the sour looks. Flush, flush, flush. (I use the toilet brush too when necessary).

2. Smile

When I was a dancer I was taught to smile in spite of the blisters on my feet inside the pointe shoes, the tight hair bun giving me a headache, the long rehearsals. One of my favorite mantras is: no matter what, smile!

3. Get an inspiration infusion stat

I get my inspiration from walking in nature. I have a special spot where the pelicans come to hang out at the Bayshore. I love watching them organize themselves for long trips, and take flight. I go there to listen to my thoughts and to talk to my inner spirit. I go there to pray and say thank you. Whatever it is that inspires you - music, art, reading, watching movies, exercising, a TED talk - take one hour off and indulge yourself.

4. Do the Work

Sometimes the best cure for the yuck feeling is blocking out time on the calendar with your Chief Executive You, turn off email, phone and any other interruptions and get the work done! In a favorite book of mine, Do the Work, Steven Pressfield says it well: “Resistance is a repelling force. It’s negative. Its aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work.” You hear the man: Do the Work! (Read the book if you need to add another source of inspiration to your infusion above.)

5. Take a Siesta

Sometimes the truth is simple: we just need to take a break. We don’t do it more often because we feel we should be doing something more productive instead. Why would you waste this precious time taking a break? My Qigong teacher, Dr. Roger Jahnke calls this “napping Qigong”. A great many things happen when we rest; our body restores and replenishes. Our mind relaxes and declutters. Our spirit performs jumping jacks and blissful cartwheels.

6. Start with Thank You!

It sounds cliché and yet here it is: be grateful for what you have. Here is the full extent of the quote at the start of this post:

“Each day is a little life; every waking and rising a little birth; every fresh morning a little youth;every going to rest and sleep a little death.”

Knowing that you have one more special gift to have a full life today, what one person, dream, place, thing can you be grateful for and how will you show it?

With love, for the joy you bring to my life, your generosity in reading this blog, your persistence advocating for wellbeing for yourself and your kids.

I thank you!

Dream Like Your Life Depends on It. (Part I)

(By Natalia Gabrea)

Last year, while I was working on putting my life together after my mom’s passing, my best friend and Hiruko Co-Founder, Angela Booker and I started to talk about our dreams. We realized we both had goals and major projects on our plates, but we both pondered this crazy and scary question. What do we still dream of?

Growing up in a communist country with a pragmatic, tough, single mom, hope or faith were words we didn’t use much, if at all. We hoped that the government would turn the heat on when it was brutally cold outside, or that we’d be lucky to find toilet paper at the store. We had faith in our very close friends, and trusted that we could share a political joke once in a while, without fear of being turned in.

If necessity is the mother of invention, dreams are the fuel for an indomitable spirit. Somewhere, in my childhood I started to imagine. I (crazily) dreamed of being a spy, saving the world from mean dictators. Like many girls, I dreamed of being a famous singer and dancer. I also dreamed of moving to America and living in California. In 1989, six months before the collapse of the Eastern block we did come to America, and two years after that I found myself in California.

Nine years ago, my husband and I dreamed of opening a school for youth to learn to be confident, completely unstoppable, and madly in love with their own wonder, where movement, contemplative practice, and creativity work in synch, and are celebrated as essential components of holistic wellbeing. Hiruko Wellness opened its doors in 2005.

Last Sunday my trusted life coach and friend Stacy Parson, hosted our second ever “Dream Session”. The point of this time together is to play with what’s possible, and put things out into the universe, however outrageous or simple. I always find it a bit hard to start. Like a muscle that needs to be stretched, my imagination can be stiff and is guarded carefully by protective inner critics who work hard to keep me safe. I have to start with small dreams like a monthly date with my husband or eight hours of sleep at night.

The thing about dreams is this; once you start, you can’t stop. On my dream list are things like speaking at TED, going to Costa Rica, dreaming with Luca, writing books, drinking green juice daily, becoming vegan, competing in a Tai Chi tournament, visiting China. And the list keeps going.

It really does not matter if you actually see your dream become reality. Simply allowing yourself to picture the dream being real creates unexplainable shifts in energy, motivation, commitment, focus, love, and relationships. Some dreams are like shooting stars, they delight us briefly and in passing and fade before we see them shine. Other dreams have a life of their own, and they turn out way bigger, richer, bolder than we would have ever imagined. Both are great!

For now suspend your disbelief, and dare yourself to play with your imagination. What courageous, bold, inspired, funny, wacky, totally unrealistic crazy dreams do YOU have?

Ready. RE-Set. Go!

(By Natalia Gabrea)

I love learning from youth. I recently taught an introductory first class to an eleven year old girl; let’s call her V. As part of the session, I asked V if she knew what it means to focus. “To focus is to reset,” she said.

The simplicity of her answer struck me. With my martial arts instructor hat on, I typically teach that focus is a way to reach deeper levels of concentration. I teach students how to listen carefully and look at the teacher, how to be present and aware, and how to control their bodies. What I loved about V’s answer was that her take on focus had nothing to do with martial arts and everything to do with living in the moment.

People - myself included - do a lot when we focus. We make lists and action plans, we create and organize our work environment. We plan meetings, review action items, negotiate with ourselves and others. V’s reframe of the word focus implied that there was not much to do.

I’ve spent the last few months noticing moments where I’ve had an opportunity to focus and re-set: waking up each morning, opening my calendar at the start of a busy day, tossing my to-do list when my son got sick and I had to stay at home. With no objective in mind other than to simply notice, I found that my life was filled with reset points. I loved this realization and not surprisingly, it felt deeply calming and comforting.

You know when the power goes out, and for one instant your digital clock says 00:00? We usually get annoyed at ourselves for forgetting to put in the back up battery, and mumble under our breath about the pain of having to reset all the alarms, snoozes, naps and radio stations. What if instead of getting annoyed, we could just all take a deep breath and think “Re-set”.

Starting a new year is an obvious and welcomed reset point. This past week we’ve all been hearing and reading of goals, resolutions, intentions, vision boards, dreams and action plans. Do you have yours written down, or are you stressed because you’re starting out without a plan?

I offer this: start 2012 with a moment of mindful self-awareness. Write a big 00:00 on a Post-it® and put it on the mirror where you can see it when you wake up. Allow this reset to be a full zero-out! Start fresh. Look at things from a new angle. Believe –truly believe – that anything is possible and, in the words of Marie Forleo, everything is figure-out-able.

Think of your health, career, dreams, relationships, money, kids, parents, friends, and not-so-friendly acquaintances. Anything else that needs a quick zero out? If you RE-SET your attitudes, mindset, and emotional reactions today, what will 2012 bring you and your family?

Happy New Year. May your new year be filled with calm, present, reset moments!

Confidence: it's harder than you think. Or is it?

(By Natalia Gabrea)

Let’s pretend that you were equipped with a gauge that reads your confidence level, and gives you a reading between 1 and 10. What does yours say right now? When you feel confident, where in your body do you feel it? And what does it feel like? Is it more like a sunny spring day hike, a delicious home cooked meal, the last mile run in a marathon that you are winning, a warm hug from people who love you, or a quiet moment of peace, self-reflection and gratitude?

Of all the things we teach, it’s confidence that seems to give people – children and adults – the toughest time. How can we feel so fully confident one day, and quickly turn to not feeling prepared, loved, respected, strong, and simply just not good enough the next day? If you are tired of on again, off again confidence, here area some ideas we use in our classes that you can try for yourself and with your child, to tap into the powerful feeling of “I rock”.

What you most likely know but may forget sometimes …

1. Trust yourself

Know what is true about you. You are grumpy when you’re hungry, hate/love competition, perform well/poorly under pressure, love your TV show at the end of a long day, nervous about taking tests. Whatever it is, no matter how silly or weird, knowing (not judging) what is true about yourself builds self-trust. I once asked a five year-old what he knew to be true about himself. He told me, “I love rocks. I really love rocks”.

2. Let go

Write a rejection you received from someone (or from yourself) on a piece of paper, crumble it and toss it in the trash. Flush your mistakes down an imaginary toilet. Practice letting go a few times a day, and practice appreciating the lightness that comes from it.

3. Do something you love

Is your life filled with must do’s, honey do’s, I should do’s? When’s the last time you took inventory of all you do, to make sure there’s at least one thing you fully love to do on the list? It really won’t matter how you do, when you do something you love.

4. Develop self-compassion

You are reasonable and kind with the people around you, but turn into a monster when you talk to yourself. Is this you? Any time you get down on yourself, critical, judgmental and just plain mean, ask yourself if this is how you would talk to a friend or to your own child. Take a deep breath, be gentle and calm. Whatever it is, you are whole, creative, and resourceful. You will figure it out.

5. Laugh

Do you ever notice how often and fully young kids laugh? And how often they laugh at their silly, funny, made-up stories? It’s ok to start with a shy smile, but try to get to the place where you laugh fully and happily at yourself (and your made-up stories).

6. What others think about you …

… may be interesting, but it does not influence what you know to be true about yourself and is valuable input until it no longer is valuable input. What others think of you is not as important as what you think of yourself. Turn the volume down when you need to, and learn to listen to your self-loving voice. It may whisper at first, but it will get stronger.

7. Celebrate small victories

Who says you have to win a marathon to feel victorious? Putting on your running shoes, and going out for a 20 minute run or walk is a good reason to celebrate. Keep your big goals, but celebrate the small successes that get you there.

8. Dream

You can be anyone and anything you want to be in your dreams! What do you dream of doing, who do you dream of being, seeing, visiting, talking to, where do you dream of working or with who? My friends and I got together at the beginning of the year and made a dream list. It was fun, uplifting, creative, motivational, and energizing. Find inspiration and power in your dreams.

What you most likely forget or never knew …

Your confidence level is your choice! Remember your confidence gauge, and whatever number it showed you? Throw away that number and give yourself a 10. It’s that simple. Say “I am a 10, and the rest of this day will be a 10”.

Early in the morning, look in the mirror and say “Today, I am a 10.” You can add whatever else you want “I make good decisions, I am smart, I am resourceful, I am safe, I am loved.” You want to teach your kids to be confident? Model this to your children and show them how you do it. Make a game of it and do it together.

What do you look, sound, talk, act, move, listen, love, perform, self-defend, run, exercise, work, learn - like when you are a complete 10? Whatever that feels like, that is your gift to you, your family, community, and the world. Please share it.

2011, Bring it On!

(By Natalia Gabrea)

January 2011 is “Ready”, and if that’s the case, I better hurry up! This year we decided to experiment with a new format for teaching, by using one word each month to inspire our work. We created a pinwheel with twelve intention words, one for each month, sent it out to our active members, asked them to post it, use it, and play with it. What’s become glaringly obvious is that it’s hard to be an authentic teacher and leader without making this exercise work for myself. As a result I’ve spent the first four weeks of the month getting ready by taking a good, hard look in the mirror and decided it was time to take “walking the talk” to a whole new level.

I’ll admit I am a bit nervous about sharing some of my observations with you. And yet, just the other day, I had a conversation with one of the parents, who said she appreciated the transparency of my letters, because they offered her perspectives, and that in itself was inspiring. So here it goes …

Taking a close look in the mirror revealed what I always knew: I have a very hard time separating life from work and vice versa, and I’ve spent as long as I can remember making that wrong. If you’ve talked to Jorge, you know that I can be in the middle of a romantic date or giving our boy a bath, and I’ll bust out with a “honey, you know what I was thinking for the kids this month, or I think I found a better credit card processing company.” My boundaries around my personal time and goals can move, and do so often, at the expense of missing a workout, a meditation session, or an appointment with my soul who likes photography, writing, and painting. What’s worse is the negative, chatty troll that sits on my back and spends the next few days telling me how and what I should be doing, or should have done. What an emotional drain …

My self-reflection, however, also allowed me to rediscover what I know to be true about myself: I love to work hard and that brings me joy. I am a big picture, take-it-beyond-what-anyone’s-ever-imagined-possible kind of dreamer. My purpose in life is to bring health, joy, and peace to people, and especially kids. Most importantly though, and this is my golden nugget: I love my work so much that it is hard to separate it from my life, because I work doing something that is my personal life’s purpose. My work is my life and my life is my work. And for this I feel blessed and deeply grateful.

What does be Ready look like for me?

1. Accept my choices, and stop making them wrong, i.e. let go of “should”.
2. Make a vision board for 2011 and share it with people. Dream B I G.
3. There are only 168 hours in a week. Be a disciplined planner, know where my time is spent, and if things get a bit tricky, see number 1.
4. Look for inspiration everywhere. Earlier last week I bumped into Kris Carr’s new book, Crazy Sexy Diet and read her story about living with cancer. As a result, not only am I juicing kale, broccoli, celery, and romaine, and loving it, but I am also starting her 21 day cleanse today. (By the way, I’m looking for buddies to do this with me.)
5. Make outrageous requests for help. Yeah, sure, I may feel a bit weak and vulnerable doing so, but who cares? Really!
6. Stop taking myself so seriously, a.k.a LMAO at myself and LOL way more.

Did you take a close look at yourself when you set your new year’s resolutions or vision? What did you see and what does Ready look like for you, and for your family? Find an accountability partner, someone who won’t beat you up if you miss a goal or target but rather stand by, support, help, and dream with you. Better yet, make me your accountability partner; you will be fueling my life’s passion and that’s got nothing but good Karma written on it.